Serpihan Ingatan 3

"Siapa di dalam ?!" mendengar kalimat ini yang selalu diucapkannya kala itu,
selalu membuat kami anak-anaknya tertawa kecil kalau mengingat kalimat sederhana nan menjengkelkan terkadang...

Rasanya baru kemaren sore, saya melihatnya bersih-bersih halaman depan rumah...
tangan kirinya memegang skop untuk menampung dedaunan yang terlah kering.
Tangan kanan memegang sapu lidi dengan semangat...

Halaman bersih dan jam dinding pun berbunyi...
"Oh sudah jam enam rupanya", katanya...

Kemudian dikuncinya pintu depan rumah,
ia masuk ke dalam rumah dan diambil nya handuk hijau itu...

Sambil berjalan ke arah kamar mandi, terdengar bunyi guyuran air...
"Siapa di dalam ?!"

... baik-baik kau pa yah.

 22.04.2018
Linz

Serpihan Ingatan 2

Enam tahun yang lalu, di Seminati Mertoyudan...

Seorang pria duduk di atas baru besar di pelataran depan pintu masuk seminari.
"Kok melamun kau pa ?" tanya seorang anak.

"Aku merindukan hidup yang tenang", jawabnya...

22.04.2017
Linz

Serpihan Ingatan 1

"Carikan lah satu hp yang bagus buat aku" katanya,

"Bah, bisa papa pakenya rupanya ?" kata anaknya.

Sepulangnya dari Singapur, anaknya kembali dengan sebuah hp.
"Ini pa, nah suka papa kan ?" kata anaknya.

"Oh, bagus kali, jadi buat aku ini yah ?" katanya.

"Bah ! iyalah" saut anaknya.

Setelah dipegangnya beberapa saat sambil mengagumi hp tadi,
ia pun mengembalikan hp tadi ke anaknya, katanya: "Nah, untuk kau ini, nanti aku bayar uang nya..."

... ... ... delapan tahun kemudian, anaknya sudah dididiknya menjadi seorang bapak
"Pa, terima kasih, baik-baik kau di sana ya" katanya....

29.09.2018
Linz

Ch. 20 Dunia ini sedang sakit.

Dear Readers,

Saya merasa selama kita masih tinggal di dunia ini, masalah akan selalu kita hadapi. Baru-baru ini, kabar tentang pengeboman di kota Paris, Prancis sangat hangat dibicarakan orang. Di Facebook, banyak users memasang bendera Prancis pada foto profile mereka (termasuk saya juga). Di Beirut, meskipun tidak terlalu terdengar, ada juga peristiwa pemboman. Di Jepang, gempa terjadi. Di Indonesia, terjadi peristiwa pembakaran hutan yang mengakibatkan korban jiwa yang jumlahnya tidak sedikit.

Hilangnya jiwa manusia oleh karena manusia lain atau fenomena alam terus terjadi.
Sangat menyedihkan ketika harus melihat dengan mata sendiri manusia menjadi barbar.
Nurani tak mampu memprediksi apa yang akan terjadi.
Media masa menjadi sebuah saringan akan fakta yang ada.
Yang ingin ditunjukkan, yang menguntungkan, sebuah keberpihakan...
Akhirnya manusia terpaksa melihat fakta seperti kuda dengan kacamatanya.
Bukannya tidak mungkin teror-teror ini tercipta oleh singularitas karena 'fakta yang tersaring'.

salam,
Ari

CH. 19 Kasih Itu Menyembuhkan

Saya tengah belajar dari seorang anak kecil yang terjatuh ketika sedang berlari untuk menangkap burung merpati di tepi danau. 'sakit ?' kata saya padanya. 'sakit...' jawabnya. Saya segera membersihkan dengkulnya yang merah dan meniup dengkulnya. Kemudian saya kembali bertanya padanya, 'masih sakit ?', ia menjawab: 'engak..' dari segi medis, luka di dengkul anak ini memang belum sembuh, tapi anak ini tau papa tidak akan pernah tinggal diam ketika dia terluka meskipun hanya di dengkul. Saya melakukan ini, karena aku belajar dari kau...

Salam,
Ari

Ch. 18 Bila Hidup Manusia adalah sebuah Film

Adalah sebuah panggung dan kita pemainnya,
mungkin aku, kamu atau dia adalah pemeran utamanya.
Seperti sebuah Film, 'aku' bukan aku,
'kamu' bukan kamu,
bahkan 'dia' bukanlah dia dalam film itu!

'Aku', 'kamu' dan 'dia' mungkin saling benci di sana
Tapi di sini, aku, kamu dan dia satu keluarga.
Di sana 'aku' mungkin jadi 'ayahmu'
Di ini kamu mungkin temanku,
dan dia mungkin saudaraku.

Di sana hanya sebuah panggung,
sebuah kebohongan yang tanggung
yang dipertontonkan dalam hitungan menit
dan selesai tanpa pamit!

Mungin film itu bagus...
namun apakah itu sebuah kebenaran?
setelah semuanya berakhir, hanya tersisa angan,
dan hanya angan yang tak tertebus.

Aku, kamu, dia hanyalah manusia
yang hidup bukan di dalam film saja.
dalam sebuah kenyataan,
bukan hanya angan!

Aku, kamu dan dia tidak akan pernah saling benci.
karena kita dilahirkan untuk mengasihi.
Film itu yang mengajarkan kita kebencian.
Film itu yang mengajarkan kita perbedaan.

Itu hanya di dalam sebuah Film....
Di luar itu kita sama kawan...


Salam,

Ari
Linz, 20150625

Sebuah Renungan Bagus tetang Exorcismus

Sudah lama saya tidak membagikan sesuatu dalam blog ini. Hari ini, pagi hari, saya membaca sebuah blog dari sebuah website Katolik tentang pengalaman rohani beberapa orang termasuk seorang imam katolik yang berhadapan dengan kuasa roh jahat.
Dari tulisan tersebut, banyak hal yang mengingatkan saya kembali bahwa, seorang yang beriman tidak pernah berjuang sendiri di dunia ini. Tuhan dan para malaikatnya senantiasa menyertai kita orang yang beriman dan percaya kepadaNya.
Ini link websitenya, dan kalian bisa membacanya :)

http://katolisitas.org/5698/eksorsisme-pengalaman-yang-tak-terlupakan

Salam,
Ari

Ch.17 A Little Insight From A Tree

Dear readers,

What can I say about a tree...
green leaves, brown trunks, radix and fruits are sometimes happy to decorate it.
but can I say that a tree is A TREE if it doesn't have leaves or even a leaf ?
can I say it is A TREE if it doesn't have fruits ?
can I say it is A TREE if it doesn't have trunks ?
....
....

:)

but can I say that a tree is A TREE if it doesn't have radix ?

There is 'the thing' inside an object that we might be recognized it based on 'the thing', the identity.
So many trees there are... many forms they have... but they are still trees.
Seassons may changes the colour of the leaves, the shape of the leaves and trunks... but we, human, are still able to identify that that is a tree.

....
....

What can A TREE says about a human...
maybe it gets confused but may be not...

Ari


  

Ch. 16 "What happened in this world ?"

Dear readers,

Sometimes I dont really understand how people know about what will happen after life. What it is going to look like. A person claims her/himself that s/he has seen the after life world and then spread the "vision" to others which is actually subjective. Imagine that you live in an era where there is no airplane. The only thing which can fly is a bird. And something comes out of no where, an object with wings made of iron is flying in the sky which looks almost like a bird... a huge bird. Of course people in this era will say it a big bird... but for us who know that that is an airplane will say it an airplane.
That is only for the appearance judgement. Of course people from the bird era also miss-judge the function of this object as well... of what they see...unless they have a clue.
Based on what they see and experience; those things are settled and sedimented on their mind and formed the personality. A person can say this is good or bad from what they've just experienced and once again this is subjective.
Years after... these people know that in the end they know the exact term for the "bird" and its function. And all people have an equal perspective, understanding and experience of what they had seen. And then the subjective "bird" become an objective airplane... this cycle will be continue on and on.

This is just my thought: we can predict all the things based on what are happeing at the moment. We can also tell anyone about our experience and point of view based on what we believe. But it is not wise to force our subjective mind or belive to someone since in the end it is not objective...

Inspired by copy of stradivari

Ari     

Ch 15. "An Empty Glass"

Dear readers,

When you are thirsty and you don't find any water around, can you take candy instead ?

when you need to eat and you don't find food, can you take water instead ?

It is quite devastating when you keep searching but you don't find what you are looking for.

It is quite the same with when you deal with a problem and you just solve it with making another more problem. Well I have to say that we don't need to see that another problem as problems but as consquences. There is always a solution and a consequences. But

When what you need is water and you find it but it doesn't releive your thirst...

you are an hopeless empty glass...

Ari

Ch. 14 "Straighten the crooked"

Dear readers,

Do you know exactly what is the meaning of a home for you ? is it a house ? a room ? a toilet ? well, for me home is where I feel so peaceful, far from attackers and I know that somehow my home has me as an ornament in it's unity. Humans and anilmals they build their house to protect them from bad weather, from the sun and predators - Hang on, pradators are also well known in human ecosystem.

Houses are created based on the builders' needs. The builders have to cleverly somehow utilize the spaces and fill them with usefull, worthwile and comfortable things. And when the time come, some things which are rotted with age need to change. We take some penny and buy the new one to replace the old one.

Home, may not just a house or a sanctuary physically build from rocks and sands. But we can call as well an organism, community or a group where - you are in it are home. Sometimes, we do need more a home than just a house.

If you are in a community, you define and tune how the surrounding elements behave toward you. At this initial state, you might need to be what you are since the very beginning. Things that we need to avoid are masking and overacting. As the time goes by, we are processed and indirectly formed in that comunity. During the process clashes happen time by time. Some don't take a long time to get better while other do. And the most important thing is how we settle problems and clashes and how we deal with the fact that there must be something diffrent after you had problem even after it was solved.

Speaking of to settle a problem, take a distance for a while to see a big picture called 'the fact' is much more important rather than keep thinking of 'why me and not them?'. Taking a distance does not mean you run away from the problem but it is just having some situation where you are calm and objective. In this situation, a right solution could possibly come up. Every person might have diffrent way in taking a distance. It depends mostly on the personality of each person.

Since you are living in a comunity with deifferent paradigms, It leads in the end to different perceptions. Even a small and unsignificant problem in a community has an impact to any reactions of community's elements. We can simply say that we are labled by our problems. People start to judge simply by the lable that they see. This is the problem after a problem.

Like needles stucked on your palm, when you remove them one by one, blood starts to come out and a day later the scars still dwell on your palm. We need to wait about a month to get rid of the scars or a week probably with some special care.

Solving a problem is a mater of finding the right solution,

recovering after a problem is a mater of time... and some special care.

It is live in a community...

if that is one of some places that you might call as home

then treasure it,

keep it and take a good care of it,

as if you will not find one better.

To my father and mother,

to my sister and brother,

to my love,

to all my friends, and my communities,

sorry for bothering you with my presence,

but even so,

thank you for having me...

I have a home...

Ari

Ch. 13 "Dr. Ben Carson"

(picture: courtesy of American Academy of Achievement)

In the late night, I was seeing out side sky without stars... just dark. I wonder how would be a man life if he only see darkness... yes if he is blind. He can not see colours, faces, sky... and the most is he can't see people's smile.

A person who can't see something good beyond the fact is the same like the blind. In fact, every person in this world has a unique story about life... once it goes up, once goes down but sometimes it's just flat.

A man think that he is stupid, even he is not since he believes that he is than he becomes stupid as long as he believes it. Once, there is another man just 'open' his eyes and wakes him up from the night mare... he has an awareness that he actually is an ingenuous person, versatile and unique.

I found a link that realy good to see... this link gives us information about people who once achieved something that people can't do. Well, I actually don't want to say that "people-can't-do" but we can achieve something that might be equally important.

http://www.dragtotop.com/drag_it/search/site/web/422549

There I found Dr. Benjamin Carson who inspires me a lot when I am writting my Thesis... I am not a doctor, not even close as a medical student but I am writing a Thesis to became a professional Engineer. Dr. Ben insprises me through his book, Gifted Hand. Once, he is a normal boy who has a solid mental, is hard-worker, full of passion and always tries to develop into something good. Just becasue he wants to be like he wants and he really do the procedure to achieve the goal, he make it.

I believe that I can do it as well, not only me... you might even do better :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuYmhJUeoBE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-8NRSfk_a8&NR=1

"... people can do it, but only you can do better"

Dr. Carson's Mother

Ich danke Dir Gott.

lass mein Leben dir gehören...

CH. 12 "Words"

Satisfaction comes from the job. It depends on how hard one work.

Be a person who tests his limits and come out of a tough situation.

Once you conquer ur mind, there is no fear.

'Everything is mental' -- so once you perceive it, you can do it.

'Success doesn't only mean that you have to be a Bill Gates'-- it also means steps like improving yourself, your family and your village

Life is a tough tenure & dangerous; it doesn't mean we have to be afraid of it.

There is risk everywhere & in every profession. Better to take risks here than anywhere else.

I like elders who convince you with the power of their words.

Though I miss my family, -- I think I am fulfilling their dream to be a better man.

Ch. 11 "Nathalia"

(June 30th, 2007)...

Today, I've just come back from Surabaya... doing something stupid in fact with the TX. Soon after, I finished it I went to the ERKASET hospital (ST. Vincentius de Paulo Hospital) where I was born. ^_^ There, I saw the room where I was exactly lied when I was still an infant, and also I saw the room where my mom lied on bed to have some rest. ^__^ guys, I don't know what was exactly happening when I saw the the crying-baby who was inside the incubator... I was also crying, I imagined that that was me... that was me who is crying... ^_^ after I had spent 30' there just standing in front of the door of neo-natus chamber, I went back to airport... there I met an old-lady was carrying the baby. She named Nathalia. She was sleeping at that time and with out any comment, I asked the old-lady (her grandma) if I could take her picture while she was sleeping ^_^... and yes, I took it. She is really cute, small, and sleeping really into deep-sleep ^_^. I was sad when I heard that she had some infection on her urethra but anyway she is ok now (in the name of GOD, I pray for it). Guess what there beautiful creature was also born in the same place with me... and in the same room also Paviliun 9 no. 80. She was born on June 30th 2007 so now she is 4 months and 1 day-old. While I was on the flight, on 35.000 ft height... I committed to my self that I always pray for her, and I would like to make her as my daughter even only inside my prayer...

2,8 kg the utmost incredible GOD-made ^_____^

Ch. 10 "Like Sugar in A Cup of Coffee"

When I was taking a way home from M2V station, my french colleague, Serge, said about religious thing which is unusual (he talks rarely about this issue)… God is like SUGAR in a cup of COFFEE (why ?) the more we blend the sugar (because we try to reach the sugar) the more we loose the sugar, because in fact it’s blended, it’s become one with the coffee. ^_^ the more we try to find GOD, the more we become blind… it’s not because we could not find HIM but because He won’t be in front of who has high curiosity of what kind of person He is but will in front ot who purely expect Him to come. And anyway the "coffee" becomes sweeter and also our life become "sweeter" if we never stop to seek Him.

"The more you blend the coffee, the more you can find the sugar"

Ch. 9 "On the ice ring"

On 23^rd December 2007, we went to a place where we can find an ice-ring in side. We sat upstairs around the ice-ring. Seeing so many people were playing ice-skating, my dear, started with a mild smile looking to down stairs. “What are you looking at?” with a big anxiety on my eyes, then she said “It’s funny; it looks like a circle of life…” Hmmm… it’s unique and I like her when she started with it. I was triggered to joint her to her “mind”. We saw there, there were people going around the ice-ring and there were so many of them. There was a person who felt and got up again quickly but there was also a kid who felt to the ground but he kept on playing with the ice… maybe it’s because he was so attracted with something that the ice has. There were people who moved to other direction, some of them were novices maybe because they were not able even to stand straight on the ice ^_^ but trying and feeling happy were the most important motivation for them to move on it. Even there were also some groups of girls and boys that were on the middle of the ice-ring. All of them were showing human way of life. Life is like rounding something, the ice-ring. We have to move on without against the time, never look back at what had happened while we are moving. It is a simple starting-trick to begin the journey. Sometimes, ‘falling’ is the best way to know how we have done but unfortunately people (including me) always look the factual causes of the ‘falling’ without taking any consideration of what we will learn after. We have to get up, but I know it is VERY difficult but it’s really a different story for no matter what we have to stand up. For pessimistic person, they will totally depend on time factor… some of them are using religious issue as their own reason, waiting what He will give and keep on praying. I do not say that religious people is a pessimistic person but I would like to say to or give you a description that belief is no more than just an idea without any action to actualized. And also there are some of them who are fake-prophets, these are the most ridiculous type of THING –I would like to say- talking too much about God without any belief or even knowledge about what God wants. Another type of person is an optimistic person who always depends on their logical aspects. A little bit pushy and straight minded are the most important in this type of person. I have to say that I am the second type. But I know that I need God to accomplish my life. ‘The ice-ring’ attracted me to contemplate of what I have been done for several years ago. There are ‘falling’, ‘enjoying the ice and don’t want to get up soon’, ‘going into other direction’, ‘taking a short-cut’, ‘having groups’, and many things are the same like I was on Ice-ring. But as a second type of person, I do not know or even feel that I have been watched since I took my first step on the ice. So many people up there (on the upper level) and out there are watching me while I am going around on the ice. But because my intention is always going into what we called logic then my eyes are fixed always onto what I see only, the ice, people, group, and my shoes. I concentrated more just because I don’t want to be looking stupid in front of people around me (even I know there are several people who could not play at all). High concentration leads me to become more idealistic and makes me stress and guess what? I play alone meanwhile it is so much fun if I could make friends there and ask to teach something. So straight my eyes until I don’t really know there are a hundred people up there looking at me, laughing at me…I just don’t know. A MAN IS TRYING to call me from up there, but you know I am busy with my own business. The Man keeps shouts at me maybe more than a thousand times and He does it again and again every time I play. Until I fall and it hurts me much. I loose my concentration and that sound triggers my awareness, I move my head upward seeing place where the sound comes from. ^_^ I smile, because He smiles first at me and waving His hands and saying “It’s OK, go and play again… It’s not your time to stop” ^_________^

Ch. 8 "3 days as a backpacker..." (cerita waktu banjir besar 2007 =D)

My journey…(from my old blog Friendster)

2.2.2007

Two days ago, I went back from my office to my house but because there was flood that in fact closed my way to my house; I decided to stay in Fanny’s house. I said to my self and to her also that I would not stay here till the next day. But in the end, the condition forced me to spend one night on hers. During the night, we talked just about simple things and not too serious. After, I received a sms from my parent noted that I could not go back home because all access were closed and the flood was like hell every where. My brother said “Don’t come back, just try to stay there and wait until the flood roll back from the area…” what was in my mind at that time was only panic and panic, even I was accompanied by Fanny but… no, I had to do something… I kept contact with my parent but nothing happened, the flood just stayed at that level and did not decrease. So, at that time, I had to spend a night there with worry, of course. I could sleep just because I was tired and it was not because I had convenient place that night.

3.2.2007

I woke up in the morning. It was

8 am

where the sky still dark and cloudy. I thought it was going to rain again. Again, I asked my parent about their situation, and they said there were no significant changes that day. The flood was still at knees-level in side my house and didn’t yet decrease. At the mean time I was waiting there and had a chat with Fanny, at that time we talked about something more serious. ^_^ but lucky she is awesome, open-minded, and broad-minded as well. So, we talked easily and we had a good time.

## A person that will accompany you as long as you live is really your soul mate and s/he has to be the right one, for you choose only once in your life. And, the prices that we have to pay for it are the same as sacrificing our ego, our private interest, or maybe our habits. Knowing a person in one relationship is very difficult because maybe the one who we tried to know and understand is not the one that we are trying to know and understand for we meet only the ‘mask’. Difficult, here, means there is a way to know and to understand but it is not so easy like you pay a penny for a candy. You need time, patience, broad-mind, honesty and wisdom. To open the ‘mask’ you need to understand your partner and not only “know”. How to understand your partner is by communicating not by phone but direct. A good communication is based on honesty and respect. Honest means we have to convoy the truth which is coming from the deepest heart and not from the mind because mind has ability to manipulate the memory, history, even the feeling so that someone could be possibly deceived. But heart is not like mind, it just likes a solar-panel, a solar-panel could received the sun light and generate electricity. Heart receives the feeling and it gives response. The mind is so deceitful because it could receive all the things around even the bad one and in the end; those will be absorbed in to it and generates several negative generalizations and unfortunately the negative generalizations interfere the process that happens while the mind response the feeling. Meanwhile the process inside heart is so simple and never be interfered. I believe that heart only can trust and then surrender, and after love ^___^. Person who always put mind first, will poison the heart… so the result is hate, then revenge and destruction. ^___^ so communicate honestly and respect her or him like you respect your self. ##

After we talked, I thought I had to go back home no mater what. So I bought some food and water for people in my house and I drove back home. During my way back home, again all access were closed and only water upon it. I was sad and disappointed with my country! They had known that in 5 years from 2002 there was a disastrous flood but what they did? STUPID DISGRACE Bus way! Instead of sewage tunnel in underground on each big street at least! Leaving my sadness, I called my friend in slipi apartment and told about my condition and he asked me to stay in his apartment, and after I called my parent that I would go to my friend apartment in slipi. I took the toll way and had to make a tour around

Jakarta

. I stopped my car on the toll way’s left side in one place, it was only light reflection, means the area (where ever it was) was covered already with water. Flood was everywhere. During my way to slipi, I was sad because I felt lonely (it sounds strange but…) I was really felt that I had no body even I knew that my parent and my brother were waiting for me in my house. 2 days without seeing my own home… felt like I did not have one… fooling around in wet-Jakarta with a car where there was only 10 liters of gasoline AND the worst was, I didn’t know how long I had to stay on the way if, just in case that I’d never know, there was flood and I had to stop somewhere or may be I had to drive out Jakarta… with 10 liters of gasoline along one billion liters of flood. After an hour, I arrived in the apartment, I was lucky because I still had a parking place. After I parked my car, I went up to 24^th floor. And, I met my France friend there… he joked by asking a photo of the flood, because on Friday 2.2.2007 we went together to some place that was flood as well and we took many pictures there.

4.2.2007

At 11.30am, I went out apartment and I tried to go back again to my house but still no access, so I decided to stop there and wait for my brother who brought me new clothes and food. You know guys, sometime, he is so annoying, he does not like me, and also so me, I don’t like him either sometime. But we always love each other silently and show our love not by words but by action, like he did today. He knew that I can take my car to Fanny’s house my self and go back home by foot alone anyway it’s ok for me either but he insists to accompany me ^___^ what a brother. After I put my car on Fanny’s house, I left to my house together with my brother by foot. It was not far away, only 3 Km at least. I arrived in my home and I was glad that I could see my parent ^_^. I was happy.

## Love is not always be poured in words we said but could be possibly showed in action ^_^… now I understand why some one is hard to say “I love you”; it is not because s/he does not love you but s/he has another way to ‘say’ it ##

….

…

..

.

fan,do,serge,…thanks^_^

Ch. 7 "Eh.. Jelek"

Kadang banyak orang berpikir dan bertanya atau bahkan 'memaksa' membenarkan apa yang namanya 'panggilan'. Saya memang gak begitu ngerti seperti apa itu panggilan dan bagaimana prosesnya yang umum bagi setiap orang. Saya hanya mengerti panggilan yang terjadi dalam pribadi saya... pasti, karena itu bersifat personal. Bayangkan saja klo orang yang ber-emosi tinggi dipanggil dengan ...."EH,Jelek....." ? Mungkin bukan dia yang datang tapi bagian dari dirinya... yaitu SENDAL yang menyapa pemanggil. Itu merupakan contoh yang paling mendarat ttg panggilan. Panggilan untuk hidup selibat dan berkeluarga keduanya sama sulit dan sama serunya. Tidak ada alasan bagi seorang romo bilang hidup saya jauh lebih 'mengerikan' dibanding hidup berkeluarga... sementara romo gak pernah membayangkan bagai mana rasanya seorang ayah di JAMBAK-JAMBAK oleh 3 orang anak yang masih berumur dibawah 5 tahun... dan itu berlangsung selama 5 tahun pula... sebaliknya juga demikian bagi seorang yang menikah gak bisa membayangkan jika harus tidur malam2 berdua dengan papan... namun dibalik itu semua pasti tersimpan kelebihannya masing-masing. Jadi panggilan itu yang seperti apa ? hmm bagi saya, klo kita bisa bahagia dan selalu berkepenuhan meski dalam penderitaan di dalam jalan hidup yang kita pilih... nah itu dia yang namanya 'terpanggil' menurut saya ^_^

@

(from my old blog Friendster)

Ch. 6 "God... Why I can't be like that, that AND that ?"

Monday, September 08, 2008 (from my old blog Frienster)

Yesterday, as you knew… I was really jealous with every one here around me because they are all very lucky with what they have right now… one of my friend, Samuel, he has just received 4500 USD only for apprenticeship in Google, how can I not jealous? He is really smart as well. Well, just 1 day passed, (is today) we met again and he got in to my YM. And I approved him. I still envy him about what he had. But there was something at that time, I was hungry and I was asking him whether he has food or not. At the first time I was thinking that I was just joking, but somehow, I followed the rhythm… He also gave me an idea that every Monday is better to take KFC promo menu consist of 6 pcs. of chickens meet with only 6.25 euro. Well, then I also would like to go there as well because he somehow triggered me to do so (because it was a good promotion though!).

At 8 pm we went together by foot, because the gate of Bicycle Park on my department had closed on 7 pm so I had no change to take out my bike. During our way to KFC, we talked about our past and got known each other, he talked about his girlfriend how was older than him and just broke up 1 week ago. And he talked about his study… and about our believe in GOD, not more than 10 minutes we had talked about that, there were 2 young people from “Jezus Christus” Christian church appeared and asked us whether we would be interested in joining that kind of church… well, Sam is Christian and I am Catholic so we avoided that guys and went to the KFC, but we were amazed because we had just talked about GOD and somehow HE heard what we were speaking and HE just, by any change, appeared in this situation… but I didn’t focus on that 2 guys were appeared suddenly but I focused on GOD is really HERE not THERE… HE is WITH US ^_^. Even they might be not from catholic but HE could be in others that we meet every single day.

When we reached KFC, he decided to treat my meal and we started to talk more about family and our spiritual experience. He started with his father death in 2004… his father death was not because of illness or heart attack but it was because something out of our senses. This experience made him and his family was suffered so much. His mother told him, when he was still in ITB, that she didn’t have money left to pay the tuition fee… it must be really thought for someone who really like to finish the study… After his after death, his mother looked like a person who has lost her soul, looked so confused, and hopeless. He really had a bad time… He also told me about his manner that is always wants to win in every case no mater what. And one time, when he accepted in ITB of course there were so many bright students coming from all over Indonesia, and he felt stressed because he was beat by those guys. At that time he decided to drop out his study and planed to move to other university which had lower grade than ITB… he was doing nothing at home for almost 1 week after he had dropped the study in ITB. His friends kept calling him and asking why he dropped the course. Until one time, when he slept, he felt something like a spirit move from his stomach up to his head and he saw like a “very bright thing” just right on his face… he felt very content and just a day after, he said to his family that he was going to take his study back on ITB… his parents were happy and supported him so much (this happened years before his father death). He said he almost got perfect score in the first semester in ITB… because he believed if GOD put him in ITB he would be success there… trust, believe, effort and pray… are the good combination to achieve big success.

Well, his story really admonished me and slapped me. Recently, I always grouch and feel jealous… never feel satisfy on what I have right now… never be thankful up on what I received. GOD sends me to this land … to this university… HE asks me to finish it till the end and HE always be here right on my side ^__^ so that I will not be worry about anything, because I trust HIM, I believe in HIM for HE will provide EVERY SINGLE THING even what we won’t think because whether we forget or because it is just to small ^__^ HE cares about us ^__^…. GBU always

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CH.5 "Amo et Facio Quod Volo" (Panggilan Hidup 2)

Sering kali orang memasrahkan jalan hidup nya kepada waktu, “waktu akan menjawab segalanya, waktu akan membantu melupakan segalanya, waktu akan memulihkan segalanya… waktu… waktu… waktu.” Bagi orang yang percaya kepada Tuhan, kenapa tidak kita percayakan hidup kita kepada Tuhan? Saya jadi ingat dengan seorang sahabat saya, dia bilang “Faith without questioning.” Percayalah kepda Tuhan kalau rancanganNya adalah rancangan yang penuh kebahagiaan dan bukan kehancuran.
Setelah lulus dari Universitas Atmajaya, saya dipanggil untuk bekerja di sebuah perusahaan di Jakarta selama 2 tahun. Saya bekerja sebagai Broadcast network engineer. 80% waktu saya dihabiskan untuk bekerja di lapangan. Dari awal ketika wawancara, interviewer sudah mengingatkan saya kalau pekerjaan saya itu berat dan lebih sering traveling. Tanpa ragu saya bilang, itu yang saya ingin kan. Ya, benar juga. Selama itu saya menikmati pekerjaan tersebut meskipun dengan suka duka dan luka juga, namun cukup menyenangkan. Dari 2 tahun pengalaman kerja ini, saya mulai mengerti, paling tidak bagi diri saya sendiri, apa artinya sebuah panggilan bagi hidup saya. Ketika saya menyenangi dan mencintai apa yang saya lakukan meskipun apa yang saya lakukan itu terkadang tidak menyenangkan saya, sulit dan terkadang membuat saya menderita... saya merasa itu adalah panggilan hidup saya. 2 hal pokok yang membuat saya yakin akan buah pikiran saya ini. Pertama, Tuhan tidak pernah memberikan ujian yang melebihi batas kemampuan manusia dan yang kedua rancanganNya, adalah rancangan yang penuh suka cita. Rasa senang dan cinta terhadap sesuatu itu sangat sulit dibangun apa lagi jika sesuatu tersebut tidak punya potensi sama sekali (i.e. tidak menyenangkan hati kita). Meskipun saya seorang engineer di sebuah perusahaan, saya juga punya panggilan yang sama dengan seorang imam. Saya yakin Tuhan menginginkan saya untuk menjadi engineer yang baik sama seperti Dia menginginkan seorang imam untuk menjadi imam yang baik. Selama kita menjalani panggilan itu, terkadang kejenuhan merupakan rintangan yang cukup besar. Tidak hanya kejenuhan saja namun pengaruh dari luar seperti ikut-ikutan teman untuk pindah ke profesi lain karena lebih menghasil kan banyak uang. Semua itu merupakan sebuah proses pemurnian panggilan hingga akhirnya seseorang yang terpanggil itu bisa menjadi yang terpilih.